i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
