There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
