I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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