As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize