That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
