Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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