So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
