Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
