I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
