Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
