Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
