and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
