I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
