he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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