i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
