We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
