when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
