And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
