Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
