So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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