I'm lost and stupid without you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
