Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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