based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
