and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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