Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
