she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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