i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
