I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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