I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
