Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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