you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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