My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
