So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
