Did you just see the Batmobile???
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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