On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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