I wish i was in the wii world.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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