Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
