last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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