I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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