walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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