i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am one with the molecules
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
