i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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