My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
