my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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