the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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