After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
