I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will be naked everywhere
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
