if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
