so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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