So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
