BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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