oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
God gave him joint rollers for hands
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
