When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
