I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
