If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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