im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
