ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My life is pants optional.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
