I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
