Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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